Monday, May 4, 2009

Jehovah's Witnesses

Earlier today during lunch, I was walking home from school with my girlfriend, when I noticed two oddly dressed people approching my house. I didn't see any extra cars on the drive way, so I assumed they had walked. We were still a few houses down the street from mine, but I could immediately tell who they were. One woman was fairly old, and was dressed as if going to a funeral. The other lady, who was a lot taller and younger, was pretty much dressed as a nun, except without the cornette.

Though I don't know a lot about their silly religion, I've learned enough over the years to know that Jehovah's Witnesses like to dress up for their evangelistic excursions, going door to door while godless homeowners cower behind their curtains.

Not wanting to interupt the sales pitch they were about to implement on my mother, we waited across the street, as they knocked on my door. Fortunately, no one answered, and we walked across the street and made our way up the driveway. The Jehovah's witnesses sure seemed happy to see us when we met them halfway up my lawn.

The first thing they asked me was if I lived there, and then if there was anybody home, to which I mumbled, "Oh, I don't know. I don't think so. There could be." Immediately after I said that, I looked around to see my two year old brother standing in the window. My mother was probably in the kitchen or on the phone, and was too busy to answer the door. Either that or she saw the two women looming on our front porch, and left the room.

After those awkward few moments, they told us who they were, and presented me with a magazine explaining their beliefs, which I politely declined. They they asked if I would like them to come some other time, to which I also said no as well. Now that I think about it, how funny would it have been if I had said, "Why yes, I would like you to come again some other time. How about at three when my brother is sleeping, and my mother has all the time in the world to hear and discuss your wisdom?" Now this would have been utterly mean, and later I found out that the whole time they were present, my mother was in the living room trying to talk on the phone while the dog was barking, wondering why the hell me and my girlfriend were standing on the opposite side of the street staring at our house.

This incident reminded me of a previous one a few months before, when we were walking home on the same street. We saw two young men in suits walking away from somebody's house: one got into a black BMW, and the other came up to us, and asked if we went to church. We both said yes, although my response was a lie.

"Are you guys brother and sister?"

Shocked and confused as to why he would be asking this, we both said no and gave each other looks that said, What the hell is this moron thinking? The poor guy apologized and handed us flyers with a picture of the Salt Lake City Mormon Temple on the back. The flyer included the site, which promised to answer such questions as, "What is the true nature of God?" and the omnipresent, "Where do we go after this life?"

After this uncomfortable encounter, the guy got back in his car and drove off. We walked away laughing, and now both me and my girlfriend have the flyers pinned to our cork boards. You can't blame the Mormons though, to them anyone could be a brother or sister.

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