Sunday, May 17, 2009

Pride and Prejudice... And Zombies?

While browsing through, an online blog which compiles lists of strange and unusual events and people, I came across yet another collection of "Insanely Titled Books".With titles such as The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America and Fuckin' Concrete Contemporary Abstract Algebra Introduction, this list made up a pretty good assortment of peculiar books I would have never come across on my own.

A particular one that stood out to me was Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance. I have always tried to keep an open mind about what books I read, often delving into "classic" novels well before my time that either my parents or teachers had suggested. Most of these however failed to capture my interest and I would continuosly abandon the tempt after the first few chapters. Having heard of the original Pride and Prejudice and seen it lying around library shelves, I had never considered picking it up and had dismissed it for "one of those books my mother would read."

This new book on the other hand, the zombie version, offered a solution to my problem. Now, instead of going through all four hundred and something pages of uneventful plot, I could read the same novel, except with additional segments featuring zombie action for extra exictement. This would definetaly hold my interest until the end, and I could appreciate this timeless classic with the help of a little bit of gory, violent, zombie chaos.

Why, I'm surprised schools and publishing companies haven't figured this one out yet. By throwing in a bit of the undead into dated and tedious books read in class, they could re-introduce historical novels for younger generations to read. They could begin with Of Mice and Men and Zombies, featuring Dawn of the Dead style zombie shoot-outs throughout rural California farms. Or maybe even an edition of Romeo and Juliet and Zombies, including the two star-cross'd lovers at the brink of a zombie epidemic, eventually turing into the dreadfull creatures themselves. This would revolutionize literature as we know it today, and pave the way for countless of big budget films based on the newly revamped titles.

Among the other bizarre titles found on Oddee are How to Avoid Huge Ships, and Reusing Old Graves. Some of these, such as How to Shit in the Woods, I fail to understand why anyone would actually devote their time to come up with a whole book on the subject. For the equestrian type there is not only Bombproof Your Horse, but also The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories, because sometimes, horses on their own just aren't stimulating enough. And for those with artistic intent, behold: The Cunt Coloring Book, for all your clitoral coloration needs. Just be sure to stay within the lines–or should I say in this case–the lips.

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