Wednesday, June 3, 2009

"Ejacula picnic"

Russell Peters concert tickets for June 12 in Toronto: $78.75
Adult single-ride GO Train ticket: $6.25
Logging on to Ticketmaster to find a verification code that requires you to type "Ejacula picnic": Priceless

But with my on-going problem of being too late and too poor, I won't be attending this event, at which the comedic genious of Russell Peters will perform. Hopefully, I'll be able to catch him in October in Kitchener.


I had a hearing test two days ago, and as sure as I was I didn't need one, I agreed to go since the office was near a Taco Bell. At the hearing center I was the youngest patient there by about 60 years, which served as proof to me that this clearly was unecessary. There is no way that my hearing could be as worse as those aging folks, and I almost felt bad for showing up; as if the doctor was wasting her precious time on me, who's hearing was probably perfect.

While in the waiting room, I read an aritcle on Weeds' star Mary Louise Parker in some magazine, and about how she likes to get naked alot. Having reached the maximun capacity for nudity on the show, she is now exposing herself live in theatre performances. When I first discovered Weeds, I watched the first season plus two episodes of the next one in a day online, at (yes, its that simple). Realizing that I only had two more seasons to go through, and that new episodes wouldn't come on for nearly a year, I decided to prolong the enjoyment and spread the next two season out over half a month. This show is more creative and halarious than any Despearate Housewives drama you'd see on regular television. Plus, every episode after the first season features a new band performing the title song everytime. And in a season two episode, Snoop Dogg even comes in to drop a track about the "MILF Weed".

"It's grown and it's green like the Hulk when he's angry,
Break it up, break it up, smoke it up, tangy,"

For the hearing tests, I was put in this little soundproof booth, filled with all kinds of gadgets and medical equipment, having to do with ears off course. The room is what I pictured all those drug testing facilities in the 50's and 60's would look like, as in the opening scenes of Pinneaple Express. The room had a glass pane, and on the other side sat the doctor. I had foam headphones stuck into my ears, which were attached to wires going into some machine. These were hooked up to her microphone, and I had to repeat after her, as the volume got lower. The words were simple such as "airplane" or "birthday", and were switched up whenever she noticed I had them memorized. Then I was subjected to what seemed like an endless array of every possible beeping noise ever imagined. These sounded like everything from telephone rings to that annoying non-stop buzzing sound dial-up internet connections make. I completed the examination, and my hearing proved to be "fantastic", like I assumed all along. I was then informed about $300 "musician's headphones" which adjust the frequencies that you want to hear. I could never hold on to something that expensive and so tiny. In fact, I'd probably be so nervous about breaking or loosing them, that the pressure put on my mind to keep them safe would suck them into my head through my ears, and there would go my $300 hearing loss insurance.

And R.I.P David Carridine, whom I discovered through two of my favorite films, the Kill Bill series, and also in an earlier lesser known Scorsese film he starred in called Boxcar Bertha. I don't know what it is about hotels or high rise apartments that induce death among celebrities. First Heath Ledger in his SoHo condo, then Jimmi Hendrix drummer Mitch Mitchell in a Portland hotel, and now David Carridine in Bangkok. Tsk, tsk...

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